Your Dinner's In The Padawawn
by Jemmiah
Summary: Jemmy leaves QuiGon a note explaing why his rooms at the temple have been left in such a chaotic mess...


Your Dinner's In The Padawan  
By Jemmiah

Dear Quiggy,

Just thought I'd leave you this letter to answer a few questions that are no doubt going through your mind right now.

First of all, you're wondering why the room is a mess.

The answer is because there was a bit of a party here last night. Now, please don't get annoyed! It wasn't meant to be a party…unfortunately that's the way it turned out. I know that you and Obi-Wan work your butts off and expect to come home to a nice clean apartment that has food in the refrigeration unit and a floor you can actually see. I know that you risk life and limb on an almost daily basis and that tidying the place up is not your top priority on arriving home after the best part of a month away. I also know that you asked me to 'take care' of the place for you - and that you didn't mean it in the gangster sense, either.

Things got a little out of control as you can see. The place was spotless until yesterday evening, I swear it! I even polished those ugly looking plants of yours. And I was so proud of the way things looked that I decided that I deserved a bit of fun, so you see I invited Rela around. You know Rela better than I do but I think even although I only met her last week she's gonna be a real pal! So Rela brought round some bottles - and before you say it she didn't touch a drop - then decided there was just too much for one person to drink, so she took that as her cue to invite one or two people around.

Before I know it, half the padawans in the temple are there! Ned managed to drop half his muja cocktail down the sofa (I called the cleaning droids and they say that if you're lucky you might only get to see a medium sized orange stain instead of a large one, isn't that great!) and in case you were wondering the weird mark on the floor was made by Simeon. Just don't ask me what it was coz I don't know.

Oh, don't make the mistake of thinking the flaky stuff on the fruit in the bowl is icing powder. Tanni's been moulting again and his cat dander is all over the place.

Anyhow, back to the party - which you'll be glad to know was a total success! I think I counted at least 30 padawans and four knights…not to mention a couple of Wookiees who gatecrashed at the last moment. But they knew you wouldn't mind because you are such a generous individual who is kind to all living things. Oh, I left Mungo sleeping off his alcoholic excesses on top of Obi-Wan's bed. But I guess you'll have found that out for yourself by now! There was a bit of bother with the fresher. I tried to tell Dizzy that it wasn't designed for Wookiees but he ignored me and it tried to suck him into the bowl when he flushed it. All that long hair, d'you see? Don't worry: Rela called the emergency services and they managed to remove him…eventually. They had to remove the fresher as well, but I'm told that you should get that back fully repaired first thing next week…

You might want to tell Obi-Wan to clean his boots as well. After the fresher was put out of commission there were a lot of idle threats amongst the padawans to find a temporary replacement. I think it was a joke but knowing Obi-Wan's friends you can never tell!

Spider's pal Firzel turned up and noticed that your food prep unit wasn't working properly. Apparently the green light didn't shine any more and the chrono timer didn't beep. Now the green light works but I'm afraid the prep unit doesn't…swings and roundabouts, eh? You'll have noticed that Firzel's tinkering at least got the timer beeping again.

Every five seconds.

Apart from the comatose Wookiee in Ben's bedroom, everyone vacated the apartment in good time…roughly an hour and a half ago. Rela said it was the best party she'd ever been to since she got fire-lifted from her neighbour's soiree half a year ago. Some guy called Brak performed a hatchet job on the air conditioning with the result that all the smoke from the barbecue got sucked into the place instead of being filtered out. Life sure sounds fun with Rela, doesn't it? I just knew we'd get on. Think of all the mayhem we could cause together!

There's no food left because Simeon ate it all. Frankly if the refrigeration unit wasn't welded to the floor I think he'd have attempted to swallow that, too. So, if you're wondering where it's all gone, your dinner's in the padawan.

Anyhow, to cut a long story short you are probably now wondering why the place is still a mess, and more to the point where I am so that you can treat me to that expression you always give me when you are miffed with something I've done.

Answer one: the place is a mess coz I was knackered, slightly the worse for wear and because nobody stuck around long enough to help tidy the place except for Rela and Jay. In the end we gave it up as a lost cause and decided not to bother. There was too much to be done and Jay figured it was probably better that I didn't try to disguise the fact there had been a drunken revel in your home. Besides which he pulled a muscle in his arm picking up an empty citrus bottle and then spent the rest of the time limping around…I'm not sure what it is about Jay's anatomy that allows him to limp when he's hurt his arm. He said he'd injured his leg getting up this morning but he seemed perfectly fine to me when he got out of your bed. By the way, he asked me to tell you that your matress suspension has gone, although I can't say that I noticed it.

I sent Rela home because she nearly got lost amongst the party debris lying scattered all over the floor.

Answer two: once there was just me left I felt slightly discouraged. You know, there's only so much poking the congealed vomit from the leaves of your pot plants with a twig that a girl can take before she's had enough. There was no buckets, no clean towels (well, not after we finished with them), no cleansing fluid, no anything. Have you guys had a cleaning amnesty where you've handed in your mops and scrubbing brushes? Or do you just use Obi-Wan's head when you need to scour a work surface? The rude crayon message about Yoda wouldn't come off from the walls without a certain type of spirit cleaner and unfortunately Simeon drank that before we could stop him. The cleaning droids said they'll be along in three days but in the meantime you'd just have to avoid touching anything that looks suspicious.

I picked up a few empty bottles but then the cleaning zeal completely left me and I got this irresistible notion to be on the other side of the galaxy doing something slightly more exciting, like getting all my teeth pulled without anaesthetic. You see Master J, when something falls by the wayside there's always something to spring up and take its place. In this instance my desire to go to the local doughnut parlour to get breakfast superseded the urge to give the floor the once over with a suction cleaner.

Nature abhors a vacuum.

When it comes to cleaning, so do I!


End file.
